Today’s teenagers have been stereotyped as adventurous and harebrained individuals.  They are generally fond of experimenting with things until they get in touch with drugs, sex, guns, alcohol among others. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention figures, 16,000 young adults die each year from unintentional injuries and accidents.  The most common justification for teenagers’ care-free attitude is that their brains just aren’t developed enough to know better. However, recent research shows that in some cases the fact is just the opposite, the brain matures not too slowly but perhaps, too quickly.

According to a psychiatrist, an adolescent who engages in more dangerous activities have white-matter pathways that seem to be more mature than those of risk-averse youths.  White-matter is the brain’s wiring, the neutral pathways that connect the various gray-matter regions of the cerebrum that are independent of one another.  Having a mature white-matter is necessary because it allows faster brain processing speed.  Nerve impulses also travel faster in mature white-matter. Experiments also reveal that the more mature the look of the brain, the more adventurous the teenager tended to be.
Another possible explanation is that some teenagers whose brains develop more rapidly than others become uncomfortable and a little confused owing to the gap between their biological capabilities and the social norms they must follow as kids. Precocious development of these neural tracts may make some adolescents more susceptible to engage in behaviors that society considers too adult in nature for their chronological age. It is also a common notion that teens make dumb decisions because their brains are immature. In other words, having a more mature brain may actually motivate some teens to try out new and potentially harmful experiences.
For now, these theories are mere speculation, and the researchers concede that the interaction of white and gray matter is so complex that hard conclusions remain elusive. The results of the study are relatively bare and by no means conclusive. The human brain is so intricate in nature, and one has to consider the fact that there are other factors that come into play such as the environment and certain genetic predispositions that are equally complex to study.

Once you have confirmed that your child is a troubled teen, what is the next step you should take? It is important to accept the fact that you might not be able to help your child without professional help.

Try considering the following measures:
1. Consult your teenager’s doctor –The first measure is to get a physical check up done in order to detect if there are any physical problems connected to health. Get an appointment with the doctor immediately, without delay. Hormonal changes in the body may be the main reason for all problems. Thus consulting the doctor is utmost important.
2. Consult the guidance counselor at school – Though she might not be in a position to provide the child a one-on-one counseling service, she can be of great help by telling you about the attitude and the troubling behavior of the child that the teachers and the other staff members might have taken note of. This can be of great help in finding out the child’s moods and behavior when away from home. 
3. Consult a professional counselor and look for proper counseling-If you don’t know whom to approach and whom to contact, consult your pediatrician or your school’s counselor to help in contacting and providing names of recommended counselors and psychiatrists.
4. Treatment and curing centers – The counselor, therapist or psychiatrist that you may consult may feel that your teenager is too troubled and her behavior is too troubling to treat as an outpatient. In such a situation you will have to commit your teen in a treatment centre for a time period suggested by the doctors and consultants in the centre.
5. Communicate – Communicating with your child may be very difficult at this phase of their life, you need to make an intensive and determined effort to keep the lines of communication open as much as possible. This will help them to converse without hesitation. You should encourage more time to be spending with family. Go out with them. Give them your time. Show that you care. Show them that you are there beside them to love and support them. Encourage them to invite their friends for lunch or dinner. Search for new hobbies that you and your child can enjoy together.
Professional help and good communication can help your teen in this phase of life. Being a parent, you need to understand your child and give them all the love, care and support.

Recurrent depression, cribbing, lamenting
Adolescents might illustrate their invasive grief by dressing up in black outfits, scripting poems with gloomy messages and themes, or having an obsession with tunes which has sad themes.  They possibly will sob for no obvious cause.
 
Despair
Young adults possibly will feel that there is no meaning to existence and it’s not worth living or important to sustain their looks or cleanliness.  They might suppose so as to an unhelpful situation will by no means alter and live cynical concerning their outlook in life and future.
 
Less attention in favorite past times and hobbies: 
Adolescents may turn out to be indifferent and loose interest in partying, clubs, games, and additional past times they once happened to enjoy. Nothing seems to interest a troubled teenager.
Constant dullness
Lack of inspiration, enthusiasm and less liveliness is noticed by irregular attendance in school. The child becomes very dull and depressed.

Communal separation, introvert
Teenagers may shun family and friends. Teens who loved spending time with friends will stay in isolation. Teenagers may not share their feelings with anyone thinking that no one cares about them and they are all alone in the world. This will further add to their worries leading to depression.
 
Low self-worth
Teens may feel like they are failures in life and this will have a negative impact on their self esteem and self worth.
 
Intense fear of failure
Thinking that they are not worth anything in life and they are failures will lead to further depression.
 
Amplified bad temper, annoyance, or aggression
Unhappy adolescents are often bad-tempered, leading to misbehaving with family.
 
Complexity with relations
Teenagers may suddenly stop calling friends and relatives. Stay in isolation.
 
Recurrent complaints of body pain and nervousness
Teenagers may complain of body pain, menstrual problems and bouts of nervousness leading to depression.
   
Less absorption
Teenagers may have a problem in concentrating in studies, following a television program or following a conversation.
 
Efforts of running away from home
Running away is a major sign of depression and it is a cry for assistance.
Consuming alcohol and drugs
Depressed teens will consume drugs and alcohol to feel better.

Self-Destruction
Adolescents who have complexity in discussing about their thoughts possibly will demonstrate their disturbing anxiety, bodily distress, arousing pain, and low self-worth with self-destructible behavior.
 

Remember the old adage ‘Actions speak louder than words’? Well, it is perfectly applicable in this context. While parenting teens, the parent need to effectively monitor their influence or impact that has a direct correlation with their child.

Children always take cue for their behavior from what they actually see. We have a common habit of instructing our children to do something while following a different set of rules ourselves. And then if you blurt that ‘do as I say and not what I do’, it will have a negligible impact. If you promote such a practice, one day you shall surely get to hear something of this sort, ‘what is wrong if I smoke pot, my parents get stoned on alcohol every night’!

While dealing with a troubled teen, the parents need to supervise as they guide. When you find your teen misbehaving in spite of the responsibilities and the privileges that you have provided them with, you ought to understand that are unconsciously seeking directives to apprehend the limitations of their limitations and behavior. It is here that you are required to assure them with moderate and selective guidance. It is a delicate situation and your reasonable attitude will prevent an unfortunate breakdown of communication. 

A troubled teen is already confused. So do not screw up the situation further by being ambivalent or partially expressive. Spell out through words and action regarding what is exactly expected of them. Encourage and appreciate their participation in the family’s decision making. This will help them in learning to realize and welcome responsibility and the necessity of accountability.

At the same time you are also required not to intrude your teen’s individuality and independence. Do not enforce your ideas, rather adopt the position of a watchful friendly bystander, who is always ready to offer help and advice but when required.
Another important aspect that one ought to remember while parenting that one should never over-react.

Parents often have this preconceived notion that their child’s adolescent period is an arduous struggle. They seem to brace up for an onslaught. This sort of attitude takes the ease out of the environment. A cool and calm attitude will not only make your child comfortable but also help you to assess their behavior with a more rational outlook. It will reduce the tendency of the parents to self-assert and draw effective trust and confidence from the teenager. This will of course ease up communication and a healthy parent-child relationship. 

Teens misbehave in order to express their physical, social or emotional needs which are not being met. Unlike adults, the teens are not in a stable mental establishment. They are undergoing constant evolution both on the physical and the mental plane. With reference to the Gesell Chart, they are moving from one developmental stage to the other as they deal with the respective stressors of that particular stage. They misbehave so as to let the adults know that they require their attention.
 
The misbehavior further increases when the environment loses its predictability. When factors like food, sleep, emotional or the intellectual stimulation is either insufficient or over-sufficient, the trouble in the teen behavior gets expressed.  If the adolescent happens to be individually dealing with a conflict, an unsafe or chaotic neighborhood, a loss in the family or academic challenges, he or she is more prone to react with a negative behavior. The situation is even worse in a poor family where the parents are not equipped with necessary resources to bail them out.

This calls for a bit of introspection on the part of the parents regarding the reason they apprehend as the cause of the misbehavior. It can be that the teen is confused, hungry, scared, angry, feeling unloved or uncomfortable. Take this common instance where the adolescent misbehaves specially during vacations. Here, basically the child is over stimulated and seeks a method to vent his energy out and is not finding any appropriate option. An earnest introspection would provide alternatives which will help the parent to eliminate the said behavior.

Perhaps the most common cause of misbehavior is the feeling of being overlooked. Every child has an aggressive desire to feel loved. Teens always tend to seek the assurance that they are an important part of their parent’s lives. This craving for love and attention in turn helps them to effectively develop their self-esteem. They feel equipped to face the world. Majority of the troubled teens are found to lack the fulfillment of this important aspect of their desire.

When a teen feels discouraged, it is due to this lack of love or attention. As growing adults they tend to fluctuate from their desired sources of attention. As a child, it is always the parents and as they grow up, they begin to expect it from peers and groups too. Then at different moments they again want to come back to their parents. This sense of belonging measure up their lack of self esteem and soothes their troubled minds to a great extent.

Being a parent of a teenager is no easy task. Things go awry as you end up screwed with wrong results in your hand. You are left perplexed because you always intended to do the right thing!

Well, parenting teens is not that compound a task. An obvious and commonsensical approach will solve your problem. It has been observed that the section of the society that is lesser privileged adopts the authoritarian style. They tend to demand rather than compromise. They seldom believe in open or extensive communication and their display of affection is consciously kept to the minimum. It is basically a clear reflection of the interpersonal realities that get ingrained in the attitude of the parents. When they deal with their children, they apprehend them first as subordinates and then the actual relationship. The resultant behavior reflects the style of a social worker, a shift supervisor or a land lord. This parenting style is difficult to change since a shift in the environment is improbable.

While parenting teens, this controlling environment directs the children towards seeking reliance from others. As the adolescent mind naturally begins to hate this intrusive authority, striking a comfortable note with their parents does not happen to be much of a choice. They are in constant search of direction and limits on one hand and on the other they harbour this uncontrollable desire to break the shackles of limitations.

This leads to rebellion and external controlling factors get imposed on the tender minds. These controlling factors are in natural alignment with the respective temperament of the teenager. They can be gang leaders, drug dealers or sexual partners. This association provides them a sense of power that counters their parents’ authority. In such a situation, they naturally fail to develop their skills or attain positive self-direction.

Now what happens if the style of parenting teens happens to change radically? Well, then it becomes a dangerous proposition. This is because the change is a deviation from the parenting norm of the environment. When the authoritarian parents evolve as inconsistent ones, they create confusion of expectations. The teens are not able to assess the change logically and this resultant set of confused expectations enhances the already prevalent misbehavior.

This sudden shift towards the democratic focus on learning from natural consequences comes as a hard hitting on the adolescent mind. They fail to make well-informed decisions. The natural consequences that follow are substance abuse, teenage pregnancy and a rise in the drop-out rates.

But if the parenting teen style happens to be where the parents help the children to operate within the limitations of the society providing them with structure and example, the teens would be a lot relieved from self-judgment and the resulting chaos. 

To assist parents increase the level, and improve the quality, of their verbal interactions with their children, here are a few suggestions.

• Keep a paper and a pencil handy and make notes of the things you hear your children talking about or expressing interest in. When you hear them discussing to their friends or to one another, make note of the things they spoke about. The topics they bring up on their own and spend time talking about provide you with the best clues available about what is of interest to them.

• Talk to your children in a very natural way. Make sure it doesn’t come across as a formal discussion.
• Don’t try to be too “hip” as you talk to children. Avoid the use of terms and language the kids use. Use terms that are most familiar to you and the most characteristic of you, but which the kids understand. Kids don’t like it when their parents try to talk like kids.

• Watch for signs that tell you you’ve talked long enough. Ordinarily, conversations with children about “just things” don’t usually last very long. For that matter, kids don’t typically spend very long talking with their friends about such things. They bounce around from topic to topic, and thing to thing, never spending much time on anything or going into much depth

• Keep the conversation dignified. Avoid gossip, profanity, off-color jokes, or turns-of-phrase that compromise your adult level of dignity and civility. Remain a cut above “just one of the guys.” Children want their parents to have class. They want their parents to be someone to look up to. The quality of your conversations with them can go a long way in establishing that image of you in your children’s eyes. An occasional, appropriate joke is a very good thing. While the family is gathered around the dinner table is a wonderful time to share a good joke and bring a little humor into the family.

• Avoid ethnic jokes or any kind of joke or story that puts another person or another people down or that evokes humor at the expense of someone else. Maintain your dignity as an adult by showing respect for other cultures. Children really appreciate that.

• Regarding jokes, appropriate, clean humor is a characteristic of low-risk families. In such families there is a lot of smiling, laughing and lots of happy times. Come to the dinner table every night with a couple of good jokes. 
Children who learn good verbal skills are more likely to also have good social skills.

Following are characteristics we as parents should possess to eliminate stress, build physical and emotional endurance, and promote personal happiness:

1. Predictable in life style – Persons who enclose themselves with argument and who struggle for alternative life styles be inclined to experience less rewarding lives, characterized by grief.

2. Less thoughtful – Contented adults are likely not to be quite as liable to spend huge quantities of their time focused upon themselves, how they feel, what they are thinking. Etc.

3. Physically energetic – Exercise is a miracle that cures all kinds of problems – including stress.

4. Capability to share burdens – There is a real value in selectively sharing the problems we face with people who are truly trustworthy and caring.

5. Information of one’s restrictions – If a problem is beyond your limits, confess it and accept that there is only so much that you can do. This often frees you to find solutions which would otherwise be hidden.

6. Self-esteem – You are extraordinary and special. Treat yourself that way. Eat properly, set yourself a regular routine for sleep, dress upbeat, groom well, etc. It does wonders in boosting up your self confidence and self esteem.

7. Relaxation – People under stress tend to avoid relaxing. Relaxing yourself will help eliminate stress.

8. Involvement – One way to deal with stress is to focus your attention on other people. Get involved in the lives of others. Help your neighbor in some way. Join a service club. Volunteer to be a fund raiser. Do it! Serve others.

9. Organization – Make lists of what you need to do, and then check them off one by one. Lists give order and make complex tasks appear possible. Lists give hope and reduce tension.

10. Ability to be wrong – Being right all the time is impossible. Learn to do your best and accept that you will fall flat on your face from time to time. Just get up, smile, laugh at yourself, and move on.

11. Sense of humor – Read the funny papers, the jokes in magazines, etc. Interact with joyful people and learn to laugh with them. Laughter is wonderful medicine.

12. Ability to express emotion – If you are sad shed a few tears. Cry and then get back to the business of living. Laugh a lot, particularly at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

13. Getting away – It is always well to take time-outs. Find a peaceful place and go there for nothing else but to get away and forget the troubles of the day. Go fishing, shopping, etc
 

The adolescent period is nerve-racking for both parents as well as teens. Teens experience a number of developmental adjustments including biological, emotional, communal, and cognitive changes in their journey to becoming mature adults. Parenting successfully during the teen years, requires a careful indulgence of these developmental transformation.

Understanding the different parenting trends provides a basis for many healthy developmental outcomes during the phase of adolescence.

There are four primary parenting trends:

1. Authoritative Parents: They are warm but firm. They persuade their adolescents to be independent but at the same time they sustain restrictions and manage their actions. They do not summon rules on their children, instead are willing to consider, pay attention to, and take into account their child’s point of view. Authoritative parents take on discussions and debates with their teenager, though final responsibility reside with the parent. Authoritative parents study how to discuss and negotiate and they recognize that their outlook is respected and appreciated. As a consequence, they are more likely to be communally capable, responsible and independent.

2. Authoritarian Parents: Authoritarian Parents exhibit little warmth and immense controlling. They are firm disciplinarians, use a preventive, restraining, corrective manner and persist that their teenager follows parental guidelines. They do not take on discussions with their child and family rules are not debated. They believe that the child should abide by their rules without raising questions or arguments. Authoritarian Parents study that following parental rule and obedience to discipline is respected over independent behavior. This makes the child disobedient, unruly and dependent. Thus they become aggressive.

3. Permissive Parents: Permissive parents are warm and straightforward. They are generous, tolerant and submissive in their parenting. They believe that the means to show love to the child is by giving in to their desires. They do not like to refuse their child for anything or disappoint them in anyway. Permissive Parents do not view themselves as lively participants  in determining their child’s actions , instead they consider themselves as a resource and leave it completely to the child to decide whether to seek the parents advice or not. Permissive Parents learn that are very little limitations and that consequences are not expected to be very severe. Thus the teens have a difficulty with self control and discipline.

4. Uninvolved Parents: They are not warm and have no demands from their child. They do not interact much with the child and are totally uninvolved. They are uncaring towards their child’s requirements, whereabouts, wants or experiences in school or with peers. They study that parents are concerned about their own lives and less liable to devote time in parenting. Thus the teens reveal reckless and brash behavior.

Parenting an adolescent is not simple. It takes creativity, willpower and tolerance! It is a difficult journey. While there is no magic spells that will make teens behave in a different manner, you can accomplish the similar extreme transformation by learning how to tackle your child and approach your adolescent in order to get the outcome you desire.

Here are some parenting tips:

1. Accept the adolescent the way they are: Accept your child and his/her rebelliousness, and prepare yourself to tolerate that reality. If the child is disobedient and defiant, it doesn’t mean you also have to behave in a similar manner. Move on with your life, be happy and keep a belief that in all likelihood, everything will be fine in few years time. It’s not going to be easy. As parents want to improve the child as soon as possible. Be enduring and positive. Just bear in mind that the majority of children who go off the profound end as teenagers eventually re-emerge as responsible, mature adults.

2. When the adolescent is off track, you need to take extra pain and effort to secure and support the bonds of affection and apprehension connecting you and your child. Parents must stop getting disappointed. They should stop lecturing the child all the time, stop fuming, grieving, being mournful and start giving. Parents should show their love and care through gestures. Hug your child, tell him/her of your love and show that you care. Smile at them, laugh with them even though you are crying from within or are angry. It is necessary to put up an act. However, the act should be a sincere one. All children love being loved and want loving parents. Your child may disappoint you, but being parents and mature you should always be there for them and never disappoint them.

3. Never protect your teenagers from the responsibility and penalty of their actions and deeds. Consequences are the supreme teachers in our lives. When we protect our teenagers against the consequences of their actions and deeds, we alter reality and hinder their healthy growth and development.  Hence the child will never learn how to tackle the consequences of his own actions.

Support the institutions of Society that scatter penalty. If your child attains a speeding ticket, the police are not to be blamed. If the child is caught shoplifting, the company security is not to be blamed. If he is caught in possession of tobacco, drugs or alcohol and is sent to the juvenile court, the justice system or the court is not to be blamed. Getting caught is possibly the greatest thing that can happen to children who take on illegal actions.