Today’s teenagers have been stereotyped as adventurous and harebrained individuals.  They are generally fond of experimenting with things until they get in touch with drugs, sex, guns, alcohol among others. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention figures, 16,000 young adults die each year from unintentional injuries and accidents.  The most common justification for teenagers’ care-free attitude is that their brains just aren’t developed enough to know better. However, recent research shows that in some cases the fact is just the opposite, the brain matures not too slowly but perhaps, too quickly.

According to a psychiatrist, an adolescent who engages in more dangerous activities have white-matter pathways that seem to be more mature than those of risk-averse youths.  White-matter is the brain’s wiring, the neutral pathways that connect the various gray-matter regions of the cerebrum that are independent of one another.  Having a mature white-matter is necessary because it allows faster brain processing speed.  Nerve impulses also travel faster in mature white-matter. Experiments also reveal that the more mature the look of the brain, the more adventurous the teenager tended to be.
Another possible explanation is that some teenagers whose brains develop more rapidly than others become uncomfortable and a little confused owing to the gap between their biological capabilities and the social norms they must follow as kids. Precocious development of these neural tracts may make some adolescents more susceptible to engage in behaviors that society considers too adult in nature for their chronological age. It is also a common notion that teens make dumb decisions because their brains are immature. In other words, having a more mature brain may actually motivate some teens to try out new and potentially harmful experiences.
For now, these theories are mere speculation, and the researchers concede that the interaction of white and gray matter is so complex that hard conclusions remain elusive. The results of the study are relatively bare and by no means conclusive. The human brain is so intricate in nature, and one has to consider the fact that there are other factors that come into play such as the environment and certain genetic predispositions that are equally complex to study.

Just recently, CNN reported a heart-breaking news about a Berkeley teen who was convicted in the murder of his father. The victim was raising three kids on his own when one of them, for reasons unknown, murdered him with a gunshot to the head.  The judge handling the case found the 16-year-old teen guilty of first-degree murder with an enhancement for using a gun in the death of his 40-year-old father.

When the teen was sentenced, the judge could have him locked up in the California Division of Juvenile Justice until he reaches the age of 25. He could also face a variety of other sentences, including being placed on probation and sent home, being sent to a group home or placed in minimum security reform centers. Regardless of what happens, a life was lost and the life of the teenager and those of his siblings are put in jeopardy with the uneventful passing of their father who is supposed to guide them in today’s chaotic environment.

Teen violence is increasingly becoming one of the most serious problems of modern society. It is a curse not only for the victim but for his/her family and the entire society as well. It is also responsible for thousands of deaths every year around the world.  This kind of violence alienates the victim from his/her family, friends and loved ones. Teenagers who engage in violence, generally try to keep themselves away from everyone. Psychologists explain that they do so for the sake of getting away from social embarrassment. Teen abuse lawyers advocate that the victim must get proper legal support at such delicate phase of her/his life.

Young adults are complicated, inquisitive, and filled with potential. Once left unchecked, they can blow up in a million pieces, causing problems resulting to irreparable damage or even death. This is precisely the reason why parents are endowed with the moral obligation to guide their teens during this crucial stage in their lives.

Oftentimes teenagers find their peer groups to be more significant to them than their parents. This being the case, it is as if parents are handling over the life of their teen to the type of group he/she may belong to. With this change come different expectations. This is why friends are such a key developmental and influential factor in the teenage years. Many teens who get involved in gangs are simply trying to live out their new group’s expectations rather than their parents’. Adolescents are all on an equal plane when it comes to violent behavior. Regardless of background, almost all adolescents become significantly more violent after puberty and it drops off again somewhere in their mid-20s.

Divorce can be a traumatic experience. It can also be a difficult time not only for the divorcing couple but for family members on both sides. When the divorced couple have children the situation can be even more intense. People on both sides of the fence tend to play the blame game. But should you remain friendly with your in-laws after the divorce. Yes, if possible. In this article we will examine the reasons why you should strive to have an amicable relationship with the family of your ex-spouse.

If you get along with your in-laws there is no reason not to keep your relationship on good terms. Just because you and your spouse decide to part there is not need to cease contact with your in-laws. If you have children you should make every effort possible to remain on friendly terms. It is important to keep in mind that these people are still your child’s family. That doesn’t change just because you get divorced.

Children deserve the right to know both sides of the family. If your child is old enough to understand he/she will begin to question why he/she no longer gets to visit certain relatives if you have distanced yourself from the other side of your child’s family. Even if your child does visit your ex-spouse’s family it can still be uncomfortable for you if the relationship between you and your former in-laws is on shaky ground. If you hold animosity toward your former in-laws it would be in your best interest and that of your children to forgive any past transgressions and stop holding a grudge. Leave the past where it belongs – in the past.

My first marriage ended in divorce and we had two young sons. During the divorce and shortly thereafter there remained some hard feelings between us but it didn’t interfere with family relationships. It didn’t take me long to realize that having a civil relationship with my ex-husband was in the best interest of my kids. My ex-husband’s father picked up the boys every weekend just as he had before and he even came to see my new son after I remarried. He instructed the two older boys on how to be careful around the baby. When both of my in-laws passed away I attended the funerals with my new husband and my kids from both marriages. My former in-laws always remembered all of my children on holidays and birthdays and didn’t show any favoritism. I appreciated that. Not all families are that fortunate after divorce.

People often have difficulty forgiving and getting on with their lives. They seek to place blame while holding on to the hurt they are feeling. Of course that solves nothing and only serves to make the situation more difficult for everyone especially the kids. In many cases, family relationships are not as strong as they once were. There are several factors that contribute to this lack of strong family ties. They include divorce, lifestyle, work and many others but it doesn’t have to be that way. We have a choice to let past mistakes eat away at us or we can forgive and move on.

Children deserve to have a loving relationship with both sides of the family. Divorce doesn’t have to prevent that from happening. Just because the relationship between two parents ends it doesn’t mean the children of that union can’t continue to enjoy the love of all his/her family members.

MYTH #1: Love occurs instantly between a stepchild and stepparent.

Although you love your new partner, you may not automatically love his children. Likewise, the children will automatically love you because you are a nice person. Establishing relationships does not happen magically overnight.

Even when you recognize the time involved, it is hurtful to want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want a relationship with you. When people hurt, they may become resentful and angry.

Stepfamily adjustment will be easier if you begin your relationships with your stepchildren with minimal, realistic expectations about how those relationships will develop. Then you will be pleased when respect and friendship blossom and less disappointed if it takes longer than you anticipated.

MYTH #2: Children of divorce and remarriage are damaged forever.

Children go though a painful period of adjustment after a divorce or remarriage. Adults often feel guilty about this, and want to “make it up” to their children. This makes it hard to respond appropriately to each child’s hurt and to set appropriate limits (an important part of parenting).

Research has demonstrated that in time, most children recover their emotional equilibrium, and will be no different in many important ways from kids in first-marriage families.

MYTH #3: Stepmothers and stepfathers are wicked.

Because many fairytales feature stepparents who are unkind or unfair, new stepparents may be confused about their roles. You may be a wonderful person who wants to do a good job, but the negative model of the stepparent can impact you in a very personal way, making you self-conscious about your new role.

MYTH #4: Adjustment to stepfamily life occurs quickly.

Couples are optimistic when they remarry. They want life to settle down and to get on with the business of being happy. However, it can take a long time for people in newly blended families to get to know each other, to create positive relationships, and to develop a family history.

MYTH #5: Children adjust to divorce and remarriage more easily if biological parents withdraw.

Children will adjust better if they have access to both biological parents. Sometimes visitation is painful for the nonresidential parent, but it is important for the child’s adjustment and emotional health – except, of course, in the rare instances of parental abuse or neglect.

It helps if all the parents involved – both biological and step – work toward a parenting partnership. Sometimes this can’t happen right away, but it can be something to work toward.

MYTH #6: Stepfamilies formed after a parent dies are easier.

People need time to grieve the loss of a loved one. A remarriage may reactivate unfinished grieving, which can have a detrimental effect on the new relationship.

A person who is deceased exists in memory, not in reality, and sometimes gets elevated to sainthood. When people remarry after the death of a spouse, they may want a relationship similar to their previous one. New partners may find themselves competing with a ghost.

MYTH #7: Part-time stepfamilies are easier.

When the stepchildren visit only occasionally, perhaps only every other weekend, there is not enough one-on-one time to work on stepchild/ stepparent relationships, and less opportunity for family activities and bonding. Since stepfamilies follow an adjustment process, the part-time stepfamily may take longer to move through the process.

MYTH #8: There is only one kind of family

A stepfamily doesn’t have to be – and probably won’t be –  “just like” a biological family. Today, there are lots of kinds of families: first marriage, second marriage, single parent, foster, stepfamily. Each type is different; each is valuable.

Source: http://www.helpguide.org/

According to the National Stepfamily Resource Center, 75% of divorced persons eventually remarry, and 65% of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage. When one or both individuals marrying have children, a “blended family” is created.

It has been said that “blended” families sometimes collide rather than blend, as illustrated by fairy tales such as “Cinderella,” however that need not be the case. With education, preparation and cooperation, a harmonious family unit can emerge and thrive.

Prior to the wedding, couples should discuss and agree on the role that the stepparent will provide. Some suggestions for assisting in the transition according to HelpGuide.org include the following.

“Set up a relationship with the children in which the stepparent is more like a friend or camp counselor than a disciplinarian.

Let the biological (custodial) parent remain primarily responsible for control and discipline of the children until the stepparent has developed a solid bond with them.

Until stepparents can take on more parenting responsibilities, they can monitor the children’s behavior and activities and keep their spouses informed (without appearing to be spies).

Working together, stepparents can come up with a list of family rules. Discuss the rules with the children and then post them in a prominent place. This way the stepparent is removed from the custodial parent-stepparent-stepchild triangle because he or she is simply following the house rules, rather than acting like a policeman.”

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the blending process runs into a snag. “Although most parents are able to work out these problems within the family, they should consider seeking professional help for their children if the children exhibit strong feelings of isolation, being alone in dealing with their losses, torn between two parents or two households, or uncomfortable with any member of their original family or step-family. It might be time to seek outside help for the entire family if:

• A child directs her anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent

• One of the parents suffers from great stress and is unable to help with a child’s increased need for attention

• A stepparent or parent openly favors one of the children

• Discipline of a child is left to the parent rather than involving both the stepparent and parent

• Members of the family derive no pleasure from usually enjoyable activities such as learning, going to school, working, playing, or being with friends and family.

By devoting the necessary time to develop their own traditions and form caring relationships, step-families can create emotionally rich and lasting bonds for each member. In the process, the children acquire the self-esteem and strength to enjoy the challenges that lie ahead.”

Read the resource article here