Parenting Teens | Parenting Teens Blog

November 2, 2010

Parenting Advice – How to Communicate with your Teen

Communicate with teens can be very hard, but the most important thing in raising teens id communication between parents and teenagers, which is why you need to work on your communication skills. An open and trusting communication with your teen is the most important thing in helping your teen deal with problems and avoiding negative behavior patterns.

We are here to guide our teens towards adulthood, our job is to teach them about responsibilities and decision making, an open communication will help you do that. An open communication between you and your child will help you come towards the healthy decision making.

The most common question is where to start; well you have to encourage communication, start communication with your teen as often as you can. Encourage your child to talk about himself, his interests, his wishes, his dreams, his problems and his fears. But once your child starts talking you need to listen without interrupting, in order to come up with a good advice we need to hear what our children have to say, we can’t help them on presumptions. Also, listening to our child will show him that he can talk to us in the time of trouble, which will open a door that many parents find closed.

Avoid asking things that can be given a yes or no answer. Ask them open-ended questions that address their feelings, what they did during the day, what they want to eat or what they plan on doing. Ask them questions that will engage a conversation from their side, that way they will feel like they brought up a certain issue, which will help you avoid the ever present feeling of parents pressuring their teens into talking.

One of the most difficult tasks for parents is to control their emotions while listening and talking to their teens. Teens can say some surprising things, and we need to keep our calm. Don’t respond with anger and start an argument, be calm and give your answer in a calm manner, which will increase the trust of your teen as well as make him aware that you are serious.

The last thing you need to do is give your child something to look forward to, don’t end the conversation with a negative feeling, make it a win-win situation for both sides. State your mind but with a positive advice that your teen may look forward to. I know it sounds hard, but just respect your teens point of view and tell him why he or she is wrong or right on that issue and why you feel that way.

So you see, it is not that hard to talk to your teens, but it takes some time for both sides to feel comfortable about this kind of communication.

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October 16, 2010

Dealing With Teen Piercing and Tattoos

Filed under: parenting teens — Tags: parenting teens, tattoos & piercing, teen piercing, teen tattoos, teen tattoos & piercing — admin @ 4:19 pm

Style and fashion change over the years. Some things may remain the same, but with teen wanting to be unique and express themselves in a way possible there will always be something new for parents to disapprove. Piercing and tattoos are fairly popular among teens, and one out of two teens has one of both, either a tattoo or a piercing, although piercings are more common among teens.

One thing that all of us need to accept is that piercing and tattoos are not new, they have been around for thousands of years in tribal traditions. Although we think this is a new trend this has been done for several millennia out of tradition and adornment. Our teens do it because of some different reasons, but one thing that should comfort us is that getting a tattoo or a piercing is much safer than it used to be 10 years ago.

We can try to forbid our children to get a piercing or a tattoo, but they will just get it anyway. The only thing we may do as parents is forbidding them to get one of those before they turn 18, at which point they will probably get one. But if you are against piercing and tattoo’s you should do that. By the time your teen turns 18 he or she will have the time to think it through and maybe give up on the idea. And if he still wants to go with it, at least you will know it was not a whim and your child thought it through.

If you agree that your child get’s a piercing or a tattoo there are certain things you should look for in a person performing the piercing or tattoo. This also applies to teens that want to go on their own, so make sure that:

-   Germicidal soap is used on the area where the tattoo or the piercing is supposed to go, except for the tongue
-   That your skin is punctured with a strong and very sharp needle
-   For piercing you will need a sterilized piece of jewelry
-   The area of the tattoo or piercing is properly cleaned
-   And that the person performing the tattoo/piercing gives you detailed instructions on how to manage it in the next few weeks

Of course if you go to a professional studio, they can be found in every major city, there should be no worries for any of these, but you need to be on the safe side just in case.

One thing we as parents know and why we are reluctant to allow our children to pierce weird places and have tattoos is because of the negative effect that may have later in life for them. We shouldn’t judge a person by its appearance, but the fact is that we do, and some employers will have a hard time hiring a person with tattoos and piercings on his face. Yeah it is unfair, but it is a reality that we are aware of and our teens aren’t. You need to let your kids know that a simple thing as a tattoo may in fact limit their choices of careers in the future or make them remove the tattoo or piercing in order to get a job.

If tattoos and teen piercing are a concern for you there is no need to get worked up about it, you just need to talk to your teen and make your child understand these issues. If you however agree to let your child get a tattoo or a piercing, you should make sure that that was done from an informed decision and a real desire and not on a whim. After all, as out teens, we also want our children to be unique.

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April 29, 2010

Positive Parenting

Filed under: help for parents,parenting teens — Tags: child need, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, Positive Parenting, teen issues, teen issues communicating — admin @ 1:19 pm

Every parent has a moment when he asks himself if he is doing something wrong. When you see your three year old child throwing stuff without reason or yelling his lungs out, or when you fresh teenager is developing an attitude, then those issues pop to mind and that is ok. The fact that your child is behaving in that way doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong, it simply means that a new age has come for your child and you need to change with it, adopt a new approach, the right approach for you might be positive parenting.

There are plenty of ways to be a good parent, but that all depends on a situation you are in. I can’t put all of that in one article so I will name a few important and effective examples of positive parenting and I will also point you in the right direction to educate yourself.
What every parent should know that parenting starts the moment you became a parent, it doesn’t matter that your baby is only a day or a month old, even though it can’t understand what you are saying it does understand the tone of voice and your body language. Positive parenting relies on little but important things like encouraging your child and building his self esteem, never should you use your words as a weapon, damage sustained by harsh words may be as painful as a real blow.
The next step is praise, although we don’t miss a chance to criticize our children when they do something wrong we often fail to compliment and praise them when they do something good without being asked to do so. That is a big mistake, you should always look for something good that you child is doing and praise him for that, that builds a loving relation in addition to self esteem, plus a good praise for a good thing will make your child love what he has done and he will aim to repeat that.
But praising is one thing when a child deserves and another to just let him do what he wants, so you need to discipline your child, which is simply a must. But you need to set boundaries and limits; your child needs to learn them. The thing is that you must be consistent, you can’t discipline your child one day for one thing and the next day let it slide, that is a mistake. Once you set the rules you are the first person that must abide them, after all your children look up to you for an example.
There are plenty of very easy things to do in order to raise your child properly, and you can achieve that through positive parenting. The two most important things to remember is that you need to make time for your child as much as you can and you need to be a good role model for your child. When they are in trouble or they need advice, you want to be the person they come to, with positive parenting you can achieve that.

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April 19, 2010

Need Teen Advice? Ask, it’s Not So Hard

Filed under: parenting teens,Teen Help — Tags: issues teens, need teen advice, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, teen issues, teens blog, troubled teen — admin @ 4:12 pm

Teenagers are going to a rough time where ever they are, that seems to be the trend. Back in the day teenagers were happy and always had something to do and back then there weren’t video games, computers, internet and all those things they have today. So how come teenagers now always say that they don’t have what to do, they are bored out of their mind, well go figure, whatever they do they seem to have a hard time. But that’s the problem with the entire generation, the problem about it is that we are having harder time to spot the kids that really do have a hard time and that really need help. How to spot the, what to look for, how to help them, who can help them?

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Those are all the issues we all want answers to, but when it’s your teenager that is troubled and has a hard time fitting in it’s not so easy to ask for help. But the fact is that it’s not as hard as you may think. The first step in helping your teenage child is to know how, and to know how you need to educate yourself, but you can’t educate yourself until you ask for help and ask for advice. So take out a scale, on one side put whatever shame you would get out of someone knowing that your teenager is having a hard time fitting in, hey, wake up and smell the flowers, it’s not shameful, the whole world is having trouble fitting in. After that on the other side of the scale place yours and your child’s well being and future, which do you think will prevail?
The reason I am writing this is because I read yesterday in a newspaper two testimonies of parents whose teenage children are having some development issues, and those two different families waited until it was almost too late to help their children because they were ashamed. I know what I would like to do with those kinds of parents, but that is another story, I am here to let all of you know that your child’s future comes before anything else, so asking for advice is the least you can do to help your child. Not to be all judgmental I suggest the following, if you don’t want to go to a private institution or a professional therapist or whatever may be your case, you can seek information and help through internet. One good and bad thing at the same time about the internet is anonymity, but that will help you only for starters, sometimes parents help is limited and professional help is needed, if that happens, please, do your child a favor and provide that help for him or her.
There are plenty of websites that provide help for troubled teens, for teen parenting and for many issues your teen child might have. In the end you and your behavior may be the difference between your child having a normal and happy future and being left behind his generation.

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April 17, 2010

21st Century Parenting

Filed under: parenting teens — Tags: 21st Century Parenting, exploring parenting, parenting, parenting advice, parenting and education, parenting issues, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, teen issues, teens 21st century — admin @ 7:48 am

With every passing year parenting seems to be more and more difficult. Unfortunately it’s not just our imagination; parenting is getting more and more difficult because of all the new things that surround us. Parenting teens is getting extremely difficult, with all the cell phones, computers, internet and all the new technology available there are plenty of opportunities for kids to be led from the straight path by their so called friends. Social sites are not just a place for friends to hang out; unfortunately there are people that shouldn’t be allowed to use a computer on those sites. Issues like cyberbullying, online harassment, identity theft are all too common now. And the worst part is that we have to make our teen children understand that some things are simply not supposed to be done, and how do we do that when their answer is, “But all the other children are doing it.”

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Parenting has never been as difficult as in 21st century, that is why there is a need for education of parents, the only way parents can raise their teen child properly is to educate themselves. You need to understand that parenting and education go hand in hand, especially if you want to keep up with all the things your teen child may be involved with. The first step is to educate yourself about the internet, and don’t be a slob about it, you might need internet very soon, after all we are living in the 21st century. Exploring parenting as a new entity in the 21st century is the real thing; it’s not just something from bad news reports. We almost need to learn parenting from scratch in order to deal with all the new things and all the new and complex problems our children may encounter.
Don’t expect if you read a book called parenting advice for the 21st century that all your parenting issues will be solved. Parenting issues are always there and will be, you need to educate yourself constantly, it’s like we are talking about a computer software, if you don’t stay on top of it and update your system often you will be outdated compared to your children, and we don’t want that to happen. Be involved with your teen child, help him make the right decisions by pointing, not pushing him, in the right direction. And the only way for you to achieve that is to know how. Forget about the old school parenting, we live in the age of technology and it will be yours and your children’s failure if you don’t educate yourself constantly. In the end we can surely say that the 21st century itself is a trap for parents, a maze that we have to find out way out from, but that is what parenting was always about, struggling until you find the right path.

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