2010 May | Parenting Teens Blog

May 31, 2010

Teens Dealing With Grief

Many of us had a sad experience like loosing a friend or family member at an early age, and at that time it’s hard to cope with the situation and all the emotions that come up. Teens today have the same problem, but it somehow feels like they don’t have the strength to cope with it or maybe we are not providing enough of support. Whatever the case is, dealing with grief has always been a problem for teens, but we as parents also have a role in their grief and there are ways we can help out teens to deal with grief.

Having a parent die at an early age, or losing a friend or family member is unfortunately a common thing, what is even more common today is that parents told their children at that time to be strong and to carry on, not allowing them to deal with the pain and the process of mourning. At that time many teens are told, if their parent is the one who died, that they are the head of the family now and that they should take care of them. That also doesn’t give them the opportunity to mourn.

Most of us assume that our kids have peers to talk to and that they will be able to help them more than we can so we leave them be, which is a mistake. Forgetting about the mourning process may lead to some serious consequences; our teens can lock those feelings inside them. Of course each teen is different and not all of them can be treated the same way. But here are some of the symptoms that will certainly show that your teen is going through hard times dealing with grief. Of course this may also be different for each teen; some of it may be their normal behavior.

-    chronic depression
-    sleeping difficulties
-    low self esteem
-    academic failure
-    deterioration of relationships
-    risk-taking behaviors
-    drug and alcohol abuse
-    denying pain
-    acting overly strong or mature

There isn’t an ultimate way to help your teen child cope with grief, each of them is unique and so is their pain. But one of the most influential things on teenagers in those situations is how their parents and older members of the family deal with the loss. Bottom line is that they need us as adults to tell them that it is ok to grief, to be sad, to cry and let those emotions go. You need to tell them that the pain they are feeling now won’t last forever. And if they don’t deal with that pain now it will come back much harder eventually.

Simple understanding and love through those difficult times, support for your child while he is going through a hard time is actually helping him make the best out of that sad experience and it will help him or her in their development into adults.

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May 29, 2010

Teenage Attitudes

Filed under: behavior problems — Tags: attitude, cell phone, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, teen attitude, Teenage Attitudes — admin @ 7:57 am

It is normal that teenagers have their own blend of behavior, or attitude in some cases. We are not talking necessarily about bad attitude or teens being rude, they just have different attitudes and each one of them requires a different approach. Yes, there are those teens that will give you the lip, but there are teens that are just set in a certain way, either way they all need some push into the right direction. Well, more like guidance than a push, after all they simply do it because it soothes them in some way.

So let’s see the most basic types of teens and attitudes these days, I’m sure you will recognize your kid in one of these. The first one is a trouble maker, but not in a life threatening kind of way, simple dangerous for your heart, we are talking about impulsive teens. They do things before they think it through, so they first act and then think about it, if you ever wound up with a bill on your credit card that you didn’t make you are getting the idea.

There is also the rebellious type, these teens are not bad, they are just restless and they try to push the limits as much as they can. They can give you a heart attack at some times; they are lovable, but not always. You have teens that are mood shifters; they can go from a smile to tears in a blink of an eye. These types of kids can really give you a fright and a headache, and they can be hard to work with.

Then you have style and friends obsessed types of teens. Style obsessed teens will tend to get everything about them being noticed, from their cap and watch to the cell phone and their hair, they are one of the easier ones to deal with, just don’t get them talking about your taste. The kids that are obsessed with having more and more friends can be troublesome, they tend to forget about school and real issues at hand and all they think about is their friends, which by the way are nowhere near your kid, they are plugged into his cell phone.

The last two types are somewhat of a nightmare in their own way, the silent and incommunicative type which always answers with yes or no, and you never know what he or she is thinking. And then you have the risk taker type, extreme is their middle name, they will do anything that can get them excited and you scared out of your mind for their wellbeing.

These are all kids we deal with every day, there are even worse types, the ones that give you the lip always, but wait… I can tell you who is partially or completely to blame for that, but I won’t, you already know that. Get to know your kids, try and talk to them, communication matters more than you can imagine, for both you and for them.

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May 28, 2010

Teen Smokers, Easy Starters Hard Quitters

Filed under: smoking — Tags: anti smoking campaigns, Easy Starters Hard Quitters, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, smoking, smoking campaigns, teen smokers — admin @ 1:21 pm

Smoking has become more than just a need of one person to satisfy the desire for a cigarette or feeding his nicotine addiction. For decades now smoking is considered as a social action, people get together in a designated smoking area and they see the rest of the world as intruders. They go to whoever has the lighter like he is a king, but that is all for adults, what about teen smokers? Their look on things hasn’t changed a bit, they still think cigarettes are cool, they still find the appeal in hiding and getting attention, both from parents and their peers. It’s very easy for a teenager to start smoking.

Five or six years back we all felt relieved when the statistics showed a large decrease in teenage smoking, the credits for that went to anti smoking campaigns. But it seems that they were short termed, in 2004 around 25% of teenagers were smokers, which was a decrease compared to 1997 when over 34% of teenagers used to smoke. In 2009, statistics show that almost 40% of teenagers ages 13 to 17 are smokers, so what happened.

Nothing happened, that is the problem. Pure pressure never used to work on a teenager; we all know that, we were all teenagers years or decades back. Pure pressure and some anti smoking campaigns and commercials are not enough. Kids see cigarettes as something appealing and attractive and they go for them, it is easy as one, two, three and they are already addicted. I don’t want to judge anyone, I don’t know much about prevention of that sort; and I’m sure there are plenty of people trying to solve that problem and they are doing their best. So since I can’t help with that, I can help with getting rid of that addiction. Which is not easy, the methods are easy but the process can be long and tiring.

I’m sorry to say there isn’t a simple cure, but there is only one way, you have to want to stop. It might take a long time, you might go through several relapses, but if you truly want to quit smoking you can make it happen. You have to forget about cigarette substitutes, most of them are even more harmful than cigarettes. The best chance you have along with the will to stop is to have a motive, something that will stimulate your desire to stop smoking even more. Once you get those two there are several ways for you to go, each person has its own buttons to press; you have to figure them out for yourself. You might be able to quit cold turkey or you may take it one step at a time, but the best bet is to seek some counseling, especially if you are a teenager. Getting heard and having someone that understands what you are going through by your side is the best sort of help anyone can get in any similar situation. Smoking is very easy to start, but very hard to stop, so do what you have to and find the strength to stop, after all, nobody forced you to start smoking, you had the strength for that, now you have to walk the hard part. But trust me, it’s worth it, you will start feeling alive after the first week.

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May 23, 2010

Pressuring Parents, a Bad Idea

Filed under: help for parents — Tags: a Bad Idea, external pressure, help for parents, internal pressure, john hopkins university, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, Pressuring Parents, teens pressuring parents — admin @ 6:18 am

You are all aware of the fact that we live in a competitive world; everything around us is turning into a competition. Parents are pressuring their children even more than they used to, I mean that is not something new, that is old news, but it’s a problem now more than ever. Children feel the pressure from their parents for academics, sports, social behavior and even their looks, and not all of the children can deal with that pressure, in fact, on most of them that pressure will reflect in a negative manner.

First you need to realize that children are not different than adults when it comes to pressure, they all feel it on the level as we do, in fact they feel it even harder. They are more emotionally fragile than the adults and the fact is that putting too much pressure on the most gifted and smartest child can break him and ruin that child completely. But, we do need to put in some pressure, so what is the difference between normal and healthy amount of pressure and overdoing it?

Let’s use an example to explain. According to John Hopkins University and the studies they made there are two types of pressure, external and internal. External pressure is the bad one, which is when parents pressure their children for results, meaning high test scores, great grades, winning in sports, and getting trophies. Those children feel a significant amount of pressure and are more likely to have consequences from that kind of pressure. Internal pressure can be considered as healthy pressure, which is when you focus on your child’s understanding of the material he or she is studying or simply trying to improve in something rather then showing constant high results. The fact is the studies that John Hopkins University made showed that children that were under internal pressure have the same results concerning academics, sports and everything else like the ones that were under external pressure, with one significant difference. The kids that were under internal pressure showed faster improvements in every aspect, learning, social development and confidence.

Now it may look that internal pressure is the way to go, but it’s not that simple. Parents need to emphasize both of the pressure types, but in a moderate amount in addition to academic support and guidance, the children will feel less pressured and the fact is they will show the results we all want for our children. Balancing is the hard part, but that is done not by yourself, you need to talk to your child and see his or hers point of view. Once you get their side and know their limits you should respect them, like we said in the beginning, overdoing things never leads to a good result. Perfect example of what we said is a child that is told that it’s more important to enjoy what he is doing rather than excelling at it will end up excelling at it, because if the child enjoys what he is doing he or she is bound to understand and master whatever he or she is doing.

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May 21, 2010

Encyclopedia Resources for Parents

Filed under: help for parents — Tags: encyclopedia, encyclopedia resources, Encyclopedia Resources for Parents, encyclopedia types of pages, parent, parenting encyclopedia, parenting teens, parenting teens blog, resources parents, teens encyclopedia resources — admin @ 7:55 am

As every parent knows, being a parent is like being in school, you always need to learn something new and you always need to adapt to the situation at hand. So where does a parent go these days to learn more about the issue at hand, is TV reliable, maybe radio or newspapers? The most common form of information gathering these days is internet, of course there are parent study groups and counseling, but for a quick insight or even detailed explanation of a problem and how to deal with it, parents can use internet. The only issue here is where to find quality information, there are thousands of sites offering something, but over 90% of them are fluff and only target traffic and money, but there are a few that offer real useful information. If you can’t find them your best bet is to turn to encyclopedia types of pages on the net, so here are a few encyclopedia resources for parents.

Now these types of pages are not the advice giving types, they will most likely not tell you to do this and that or take this course of action over the other one; they will give you facts related to some problem or issue you might have. That is exactly what you need in order to understand a certain issue. The first parenting encyclopedia recommended is Family Go. This website offers information on every single aspect that concerns parenting. You can find info about teen behavior, health and fitness, school and learning, parenting in general and certain strategies and of course dating and sex.

The second parenting encyclopedia provides an extensive list of teen issues, illnesses and disorders with a short description that is to the point. The parenting encyclopedia we are talking about is Parent’s Common Sense Encyclopedia. This is the first place you should look to find the basic and most needed information about any problem; their index is list in an alphabetical order so you can easily find what you need.

The last parenting encyclopedia recommended is Child Encyclopedia. This encyclopedia provides all the necessary info about raising a child. You can find anything from changing a dipper and which ones to use to crying and eating behavior. Although this encyclopedia focuses on raising little kids, from newly born to 6 years of age, it also provides plenty of information about teenage issues and the most common problems. Great benefit of this site is that plenty of info is available in PDF format, so you can download it, print it and read when you have the time.

There is no point in talking about the importance of being informed as a parent, it all revolves around it. Staying in touch with your kids in the 21st century can be overwhelming, so any type of help is welcome. These three parenting encyclopedia websites offer real useful information and I hope they will help you.

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