Living Letter
Imagine your twenty-something son or daughter, all grown-up and ready to enter into life as a full-time adult. Perhaps your son is moving into his own apartment or house for the first time, or maybe your daughter is beginning a new job in her chosen career path.
Your local greeting card store will, no doubt, have cards available to mark the occasion. However, it is a rare occurrence when you find a card that completely encapsulates all that you want to communicate. Even in the closest of relationships, a card (written by another person) has an inherent generic quality. By necessity, it must! It is the desire of the author, the publisher, and the store owner that each card be applicable to a wide variety of people; selling cards is the goal.
When a milestone event happens in the life of your grown child, be it a home, career, marriage, or the birth of their first child, what if you could give a “card” specifically made for your child, one that would not be applicable to anyone else?
Although it takes planning as well as persistence, creating a living “letter” to your child will be something he or she will treasure in their young adulthood, middle-ages, and senior years. A living letter can start as early as the day your pregnancy test reads positive. What is a living letter?
It can take many forms, though the most succinct method is a simple journal. You do not have to be a seasoned writer or a great orator, just simply pen your thoughts as if you are having a conversation with your child at that period in your child’s life.
When embarking on the creation of your living letter, tell your child the purpose of the letter in the first entry. For example, “Even though I haven’t yet met you, I want you to be able to open this book one day, many years from now, and see your childhood from my perspective. Most of all, I want you to understand how much I have always loved you.”
You may choose to begin your letter after your child’s birth. You can even record the stages of the actual birth process: your thoughts, fears, mishaps, length of labor, baby’s first actions, etc. Children and adults alike enjoy hearing the details of the day they first came into this world. Say a little about what is going on in the world the day your child is born. Who is the president? What is the most popular song on the radio? Where do you live? Who are your neighbors? How old are your other children?
If your child is older, and you are just considering this idea for the first time, remember, it is never too late to start. In fact, the teen years are filled with frustration and misunderstandings as your child learns to balance independence with maintaining respect for his or her parents. Seeing life from your eyes may really help your child to understand some of those difficult times, even if that knowledge comes years later.
Do not just record the “special” occasions of birthdays, holidays, first day of school, etc. Some of the most precious memories are the ordinary moments when your child makes a brilliant observation, a funny comment, or even an extremely embarrassing blunder! If you child is young and oblivious to what you are doing, you can take the journal to the park and record your thoughts while you watch your child play. This project does take time and persistence, with a little stealth thrown in, as well.
Life’s busy-ness can get in the way of doing the things that one day we’ll wish we had done. Why, then, do we not live each day with the goal of not committing or omitting any actions we’ll one day regret? Make time, every week or two, to write a few lines to your child. Even the most boring stories of every day life will be precious gems to your adult children.
Persist in your project. Don’t let years go by between entries. If you have managed to let time fly by, however, dedicate several hours to an entry explaining what has been going on with life.
Perhaps the best thing about a living letter to your child is the factor of surprise. Keep the book hidden from your child, even if that means purchasing an impregnable safe! Whatever occasion you decide to present the letter to your child, it will have so much more meaning if it comes as a complete shock.
Though it is never pleasant to meditate on death, when your time comes to leave this world, the words you have spoken to your child on the pages of their letter will be irreplaceable. The pain of your passing can be at least a little assuaged by the continued “communication” from you to your child. Imagine passing away before giving your child their letter. Then, while combing through your belongings your child stumbles upon this treasure.
Fill as many books as you can. You can even include clippings, photos, or other mementoes, but keeping it simple is probably the best, and least distracting, course of action. The more time you have to spend “working” on pasting things in, the more it has to be out in the open, risking being seen by your child. Never mention the book’s existence. A fire-proof safe is a wonderful place to keep the book, along with other important papers.
Every so often, go back and read your own entries. During the harder times that come in parenting, reading a few former entries will put the difficulties into a broader context, making you realize, “Oh, now I remember, I do actually love this child. Was he really that precious?”
Whatever method you choose, what level of creativity you apply to the project, how often you maintain entries, or for however many children you are keeping letters (each child gets their own book!), remember the theme of your letter should be love. An adult child skimming through the pages of a decades-old letter, from mom or dad (or both), will be overwhelmed, honored, and thankful to have such a lasting proof of the love of a parent.
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